2 posts and they aren’t a million years apart?! What what!
So due to circumstances out of my control, I now spend A LOT more time alone than I like and am used to. This generates some pretty severe mood/depression issues for me because I have separation anxiety, abandonment issues, and a whole horde more of anxiety issues (I’m a mess!)
Part of the cycle in my moods is being hyper sensitive to how often certain people talk to me. Yes, I do understand I’m crazy. However the thing about anxiety is it goes out of its way to NOT make sense! (In fact, this phenomenon is so prevalent that people are diagnosed with anxiety disorders because they have so much anxiety about HAVING anxiety!)
Any who, when this particular mood sets in it is usually very very hard to turn around and get out of it. It takes a lot of reassurance, time, patience, and some tears. I am severely grateful for the friends I have and my amazing boyfriend for dealing with me when I get this way!
Today I was on my own (ish, you’re never truly alone if you own a cell phone, haha). It was within this context that I randomly, and without trying to, had a thought SO SMART that it scared the crap out of me that I was the one to think it! Before you get al hyped up (because I like to envision you on the edge of your seat with anticipation about this revelation :D) it was not an original thought, at all. In fact it is one of those things that everyone always says first in situations such as this, it was a complete cliché.
“So why in the world are you so excited you wrote an entire blog post about this?!” you may be asking your computer, who is so rudely NOT listening!
BECAUSE Dear Reader, I came to this thought following a completely logical pathway of thoughts among a full swing tornado of terrible thoughts! (Anyone of anxiety or depression will totally understand that, haha) This thought is in reference to when a person has, or acts like they have, a problem with you. They may be being rude or they may just be ignoring you, either way that’s the kind of thing this is in association with.
Now to the real heart of the matter, what was this day changing, mood saving thought?
I can’t fix the problem, because I am not the one with the problem.
Happy Tuesday ya’ll!