A Thought So smart, I Got Scared!

2 posts and they aren’t a million years apart?! What what!

 

So due to circumstances out of my control, I now spend A LOT more time alone than I like and am used to.  This generates some pretty severe mood/depression issues for me because I have separation anxiety, abandonment issues, and a whole horde more of anxiety issues (I’m a mess!)

Part of the cycle in my moods is being hyper sensitive to how often certain people talk to me. Yes, I do understand I’m crazy. However the thing about anxiety is it goes out of its way to NOT make sense! (In fact, this phenomenon is so prevalent that people are diagnosed with anxiety disorders because they have so much anxiety about HAVING anxiety!)

Any who, when this particular mood sets in it is usually very very hard to turn around and get out of it. It takes a lot of reassurance, time, patience, and some tears. I am severely grateful for the friends I have and my amazing boyfriend for dealing with me when I get this way!

But today

Today I was on my own (ish, you’re never truly alone if you own a cell phone, haha). It was within this context that I randomly, and without trying to, had a thought SO SMART that it scared the crap out of me that I was the one to think it! Before you get al hyped up (because I like to envision you on the edge of your seat with anticipation about this revelation :D) it was not an original thought, at all. In fact it is one of those things that everyone always says first in situations such as this, it was a complete cliché.

“So why in the world are you so excited you wrote an entire blog post about this?!” you may be asking your computer, who is so rudely NOT listening!

BECAUSE Dear Reader, I came to this thought following a completely logical pathway of thoughts among a full swing tornado of terrible thoughts! (Anyone of anxiety or depression will totally understand that, haha) This thought is in reference to when a person has, or acts like they have, a problem with you. They may be being rude or they may just be ignoring you, either way that’s the kind of thing this is in association with.

Now to the real heart of the matter, what was this day changing, mood saving thought?

I can’t fix the problem, because I am not the one with the problem.

*BOOM*

Mind. Blown.

Happy Tuesday ya’ll!

 

XOXO

J

Welcome back, I am shame faced.

Wow, it’s been a long long time ya’ll!! I am shame faced by my lack of follow through… Let’s just dive right on into the here and now, if is ok with you! 🙂

 

My birthday is tomorrow. It will be my golden birthday, the one where you turn the same age as the date of your birthday. (I don’t think thats an actual thing, I think I just have friends that are as strange as me.)

This past year I feel like I’ve really changed, the amazing people in my life have helped me over come some past circumstances and emotions. I truly learned A LOT about food, the body, and exercise. I also learned that I seriously enjoy talking about those things to people. I have calmed down my “timeline” (but I still refuse to be older than 24 until I’m engaged lol) and I have not only gotten back in school, but have stuck with it!

Now it’s time to address some of the other things that negatively affect (effect? I couldn’t remember the diference if you paid me.) myself and the people in my life.

First up: Complaining.

Just like I was addicted to terrible foods, over time I developed an addiction to whining, moaning, b****ing, venting, and complaining. Sometimes I can get going so good that I will gripe about one ridiculous thing for hours, yes plural.

It’s not healthy, it’s not fun, and it certainly doesn’t win me any popularity contests. So my goal is to find a way to channel that energy, those negative thoughts, and turn them into something productive. I haven’t figured out the logistics yet, but this will be a serious challenge especially considering I just started crate training a very loud terrier lab mix.

Have you all ever heard a dog scream? I have. It’s the noise of nightmares ya’ll. Nightmares. (P.S. that wasn’t complaining, that’s a fact haha!)

I promise I will write more later, maybe include some new recipes if you want, but this chick needs to go read 3 chapters of econ and 2 world civ. by the end of the day!

XOXO

J